Growth. Over.

I'm sorry.

Why is apologizing the first thing I did when I had to tell everyone I had a tumor?  "I'm sorry," I said, like I failed them.

This is how I die.

Some people fight, but why am I ready?  I haven't even felt sick.  "This is how I die," I told myself, before there was even a prognosis.

I haven't finished.

Regret?  Drive?  Or just a statement?  "I haven't finished," I told the universe matter-of-factly.

I'm sorry.

Restless

Restless,
Wherever you are,
It's somewhere else you want to be
Nothing now is good enough
Wanting what's out of reach
Restless in your body
Restless in your mind
Restless in your soul
Flitting from one idea to the next
Never deeper than getting started
Find your place, restless body
Quiet your thoughts, restless mind
Discover your direction, restless soul

Assuming that you one day become a parent, what one thing do you hope to teach your children?

I am shadowed by the ghost of my unconceived daughter.  She was never born, nor even a glimmering.  There was no opportunity, nor time enough, nor even retrospect opportunity.  She wasn't, except in my wishes for myself and for her.  Her name is Alaura.  She is my daughter who never was.  She missed all that I would teach her, and I missed all that she would give me.  My body is unchanged, except by time.  My legacy is mine and mine alone.  I will not create life to remember me.  I am only here to remember.  And I remember my daughter who never was.

"272 Results Matching"

Kendrick, Male
Age 1
Sweet, engaging, enjoys his meal times
Makes sounds that resemble words
Unable to sit by himself
In need of a Forever Family
Willing and able
To prepare for any future needs
Help him
Reach
His full potential

Melody, Female
Age 17
Great sense of humor, considerate, thoughtful
Doing very well in the ninth grade
Working on trusting others
Would do well in a single parent home
Or possibly
Two women household
Melody writes,
"I would like to be adopted
And find my
Forever Family"

BLOG NOTE: Inspired by my previous blog entry about foster and adoptive homefinding, I browsed the New York State Adoption Album Photolisting to create this found poetry.  All the words to this poem were taken from the listings of two children who are waiting to find their new families.  Total number of children on the NYS online adoption list today: 272.

Pageant Question: Which is more important, friendship or personal success?

If I were you.

If I were you, I wouldn't be you.

If I were you, my life wouldn't be your life.  If you were me, my life would not be mine.

Differences in our situations make our lives different, but differences in us would change all outcomes.

If I were you, I would save my money and get my passport.

If I were you, I would sign up as a volunteer in a foreign land.

If I were you, I would teach English across the sea.

If I were you, I would live light.

If I were you, I would be free.

That you are different means that you have no money, nor passport.  Your life is heavy.  You are not free.

I am not you, but I wish you could be light and free and happy.

While still being you.

Pageant Question 30: Besides your family, who have you learned the most from and what did you learn?

From my piano teacher, I learned that mocking someone does not make them want to improve.
From my third grade teacher, I learned that rocking the boat makes people nervous.
From my general practitioner, I learned that a great deal of education does not necessarily make a person smart.
From the family who took my old truck for scrap, I learned that people can live on next to nothing.
From my first boyfriend, I learned that looks aren't everything.
From my landlord, I learned that you can't always tell who's a bigot.
From an old man I passed on the street, I learned that you can live right up to the moment you're dead.

What have they learned from me?  What should they have learned from me?

My piano teacher learned that his students are lazy, but he should have learned that students yearn to be good.
My third grade teacher learned that bullying works, but she should have learned that children remember forever.
My general practitioner learned that his wisdom was rarely heeded, but he should have learned to listen.
The family who took my old truck for scrap learned that if you ask, you may receive even more than you hoped for, and they should have learned that the world needs to know how the poor survive.
My first boyfriend learned that I wasn't right for him, but he should have learned that girls desperate for a boyfriend have no idea what they're doing.
My landlord learned that his audience will listen, but he should have learned that I thought he was wrong.
The old man learned that people stare at illness, but he should have learned that I wished him safe journey.

364

The end of it all,
will there be burning
When the end finally comes,
will we still be here
At the end of me,
will you bear witness
At the end of you,
how can I ever be the same
All beginnings have an end,
or that is what we see
It's a limitation of humankind
to follow time only so far
The end of it all,
is it illusion
Or is end just the beginning
and we will meet again.

(Sorry about this being poetry, but I gotta go with the flow of whatever happens.  Only one more "Once Upon a Time" left!)