116

Crisscrossing metal spikes covered the field for as far as the eye could see. They menaced, conveyed danger, shouted to all "Keep Out!" Those who buried those spikes should have imagined the decades of decades that would pass, but they didn't. They underestimated the effect of weather and flora. The ten inch diameter spikes eventually bent, fell, were torn apart by the relentlessness of time. Eventually, the seemingly endless field seemed like just another field. The carefully crafted warning decayed while the threat, under the soil, still threatened.

115

Cybill hated only one person in the world, and she had never met him. He drove down her street nearly every day on his motorcycle--he called it a "crotch rocket", but she didn't know that term. It had neon green plastic that matched his leather jacket and pants, his sneakers, and his helmet. She had heard the phrase "Loud pipes save lives," but she didn't care. His pipes were too loud. He drove too fast. He squealed his tires. He even "popped a wheelie" on occasion. Cybill hated him, hated him, hated him.
 
After nearly two weeks without seeing her nemesis, she thought, Good. He was gone and that's all that mattered. Maybe he moved. Maybe he was arrested. Maybe he finally got into that accident he was looking for. Oh, God, maybe he was dead...

114

Carole could feel their cruel eyes on her. It made her feet feel too big, her face too long, her mouth too wide, her clothes smelly and dirty and out of fashion. None of it was too true. Carole had rather large feet, but she was tall. Her face was made to appear too long because of her inappropriate haircut, or lack thereof. Her mouth was wide, but, though she didn't know it, it was one of her best features. Carole's clothes were, indeed, out of fashion. Under scrutiny, she was sweating and increasing her chances of smelliness. There was also a stain on the front of her shirt, but she hated to throw it away.

113

When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I'm not on the top of an Alp. I'm not hanging with Eskimos. I'm not about to shred a powder-perfect mountain with my snowboard. When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I see death.
 
I was driving and I opened my patty at a light - safely, thank you. Light turned green, I went, and I took a big bite of chocolate and peppermint and nearly died. My throat closed. I couldn't suck even the tiniest of winds. I chewed frantically and tried to breathe. My sight was closing down into a tunnel. Darks were very dark and lights were washed-out bright. How was I steering? My foot lagged on the gas as I swallowed reflexively and kept trying to breathe. I can only imagine my eyes were bugging out of my head, my limbs becoming weaker. I thought vaguely of pulling over, but I couldn't spare the energy--I needed to breathe!
 
Finally, a teenie bit of air. I swallowed and sucked another teenie bit. Not enough, and not fast enough. I looked at Death. Death from a friggin' York Peppermint Patty. What a stupid way to go.

112

There once was a girl who lived alone in the woods. No one knew how she had gotten to live alone, for most girls her age lived with their parents or, at least, an appointed guardian, but this girl had none. She lived in a home made of stone with a roof made of thatch. No one knew who had built the house, and they assumed the girl could not have built it herself, so craftily made it was. Townspeople often filled their empty times by turning conversations to this girl alone in the woods, but their ideas roamed around and around without getting anywhere. The conversations always ended with a helpless shake of the head and wishes that someone, somewhere, would do something.

111

Your house is a mess, and it depresses you. What are you doing about it? Maybe you want to move, and think that will solve your problems. WRONG! You will simply bring with you your #1 problem: YOU.

Real Living Secret: it doesn't matter where you live. You could be in a cream suburban dream, a hipster's flat, a gleaming mansion or a cardboard box--your life will be exactly the same unless you get to the source of your problem.

There are thousands of books on cleaning up clutter, energizing your house, feng shui-ing the heck out of the cardinal points, detoxification, taming paper tigers, but those are temporary solutions. If you want permanent change, change yourself.

Good News: reading this book is your first step!

Bad News: reading this book won't mean diddly if you don't absorb the information. Stop reading now, and simply reflect on your situation for a day. Reflect on the knowledge that it doesn't matter where you live--YOU will always be there.