How would you react to your best friend telling you she was pregnant?

Holy crap, Amy!  Who's the father?  You're freakin' forty-two years old!  Why would you do this?  How can you even...  I mean...  Okay, I'll ask.  How can you even hope to pay for a kid right now?  Wait!  Where are you even going to put it?

Geez.  No.  Seriously.  You live in a one-room apartment over a garage.  You barely have room for your cats, so how will a baby and all its stuff fit in there?  Hold on a moment...

When did this happen?  I mean, when are you due?  Have they been able to tell you about this baby yet?  Is it...okay?  I know we're not ancient yet, but, still, the odds of genetic disorders goes up.  And since when were you regular enough to even get pregnant?  What are the odds of that?  Alright, back to the genetic thing.  Is the baby okay?  Can they tell?

No, wait.  Go back further than that.  Who's the father?  How did you...  Who did you...  When did you...  Was it...natural?  Did you purchase a...um...donor?  Does the guy know?  Will you tell him?

Yeah, you're right, I think I'm hyperventilating.  I've got to find a paper bag.  Hold on...

Okay.  I'm back.  While I'm breathing here, you tell me.

Uh huh.

You only have how long left?  That'll be this year!  Okay...  Breathing.

Uh huh.

No, I don't remember you telling me.

Uh huh.  Well, I don't check Facebook regularly so I didn't...

Uh huh.

Okay, that's good.  But what about...

Uh huh.  And your parents are alright with that?

Ha!  I'll bet they did!  Was it your mom or your dad who...

Oh, my God.  Well, that's good, I guess.  Okay.  Hey, can you paint your old room purple again?  Ha!

Uh huh.  You're naming it what?

Weren't those your cats' names?

Ha!  You can't do that!  Do your parents know those were your cats' names?  Ha!

Huh.  Well, all right.  It sounds like you have it all planned out.  That's good.  I'm just so shocked.  I thought it would be you and me who never had kids.  Now it's just me, I guess.

No.  He's had a vasectomy.  Unless a miracle occurred between the tubes, it's not happening.

Yeah, well, I guess yours is a miracle.  Congratulations, Amy.  Hey--at least it's not twins!

What?!?