Most people in the United States have no idea the numbers of children in foster care much less the even larger numbers of children currently freed for adoption. Nor do people understand the child protective services, foster care and county adoption process. Unless you are a part of the system, you simply have no clue.
I worked for the Department of Social Services in a unit called "Homefinding". While I wasn't a caseworker for very long, it was enough for me to understand how much is hidden in plain sight, and how much is wrong with society that the average person doesn't understand. For example, the prime goal of a children's services caseworker is to keep children with their families. These people work very hard to assess situations and provide whatever support necessary to get those families the help they need so moms, dads, brothers and sisters can stay together. The most tragic action you can take is to pull children from their mothers and fathers. And yet. And yet there were caseworkers who, upon visiting a home, had to take children without warning, bring those kids in their car back to the social services building, sit those crying/stunned/angry/terrified children in a waiting room and call Homefinding.
In Homefinding, we had a list of all the families in the area who could take in foster children. It was updated minimally once a day. There were pitifully few families on the list. Most homes were already full, and many available couldn't take the kind of children who came so suddenly into care. The crack-addicted baby with a heart condition, the fourteen year old boy, the family of ten brothers and sisters. It just wasn't possible.
Halfway through my tenure in Homefinding, they gave me the one and only position in "Adoptive Homefinding". It was here that I saw the even greater disconnect between reality and what is known. We have a vague idea that there are children available for adoption. Have you ever seen the Blue Books? The Blue Books are thick three-ring binders filled with pictures and descriptions of children emancipated from their birth families, waiting for a new family who will raise them and love them and help them become adults. Binder after binder after binder, each filled with page after page after page of children.
Here is the most terrifying disconnect:
Family wants to adopt a child. A baby. No crack babies, please. Possible spina bifida? No. No disease. No genetic problems. Can you guarantee this baby is okay? Twin toddlers? So adorable! But... was the mother a drinker? Were these kids abused? Are they damaged? This child has bathroom problems. This child poops in my closet. This child hides food. This child is damaged. I need a promise this child will be like my own: perfect.
A child is put into foster care. A child is only put into foster care when there has been abuse or neglect, meaning keeping the child with his or her family is too dangerous, no matter how hard the caseworker has tried. This child is damaged. This child is pulled away and put in a stranger's house. Caseworkers work very hard to help the birth family become better. Services are put into place. Visits are made. The foster family works with the birth family so the child can go home. But... the birth family is too dangerous and it cannot be. No other family member can take the child, so the child stays with strangers. Perhaps for years. Perhaps many strangers in different houses in different towns. Perhaps in a group home. This child was abused, neglected, torn from home, shuffled around, and, finally, "freed". Free for adoption.
Is this child damaged? Yes.
Can you guarantee this baby is okay? No.
Can you promise this child will grow up and be okay? No.
But...
But the damage can be mitigated. These children are humans, and they learn and they live and they love. There is no baby or child that comes with a guarantee--not even one born to you. These children were freed from their birth families because it was too horrible to return. Of course they need help; you would need help, too.
We need to know. We need to understand. We need to get a clue. We are needed.
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